Let me go
Bursting, bubbling, battering despair,
When does it end?
The hurt builds up, tension overspills,
Who will listen?
Thoughts racing, painful memories pass
Can I move on?
Black glass daggers, remain in the past
Let me, let go?
I was hurt, my identity stripped
Why must you stay?
My mind is not yours, leave my beliefs
What have I done?
This hatred I hold, burdens my life
Please, let me go?
I want to hope, fly free, not look back
Loosen your grip.
Release me demon, untie these chains
I am my own
Open my mind, there is a real world
A new found reality.
The monster in my head
My mind has been infested
I don’t know how, I don’t know when
A darkness or demon from within
Reminding me of memories, diminishing all hope
The lost land of the hopeless
No words can express the feeling
Embodied, but without real presence
I exist yet I am not living
A stray, blank and lifeless body
I need to interact, but how?
How can I lift the sides of my mouth?
To utter a word, create a smile or look around
These tasks require energy
Energy the monster will take
Leaving me without expression
I am facing the impossible and I am pathetic
I can feel myself struggling
Lost and along, doomed for failure
I can see my own self destruction
Yet I can’t snap out of it, because it’s not really me
I am a mere observer
Watching the monster drain my life
Manipulating my self-portrait
Unable to stop the on-going and damaging effects
The monster makes me selfish
Stops me reaching out to others
As this beast clouds all of my thinking
And I am lost in a world of hopeless worthlessness
Not every day is hopeless
I can get up and go out
Yet the darkness lurks in the background
Ready to attack at any moment of weakness
Ready to leach negatives
Thoughts of being a bad person
A failure, worthless, selfish and fat
As I lose the real me and re-enter the monsters shell
The good days are increasing
My friends help me to feel myself
Remind me of who I want to be
But such positive expressions can lead to days of exhaustion
I am still finding myself
Who knows how long the road will be
But I will fight, and find ‘me’ again
And yes, the monster will be tamed