Let me go

Bursting, bubbling, battering despair,

When does it end?

The hurt builds up, tension overspills,

Who will listen?

Thoughts racing, painful memories pass

Can I move on?

Black glass daggers, remain in the past

Let me, let go?

I was hurt, my identity stripped

Why must you stay?

My mind is not yours, leave my beliefs

What have I done?

This hatred I hold, burdens my life

Please, let me go?

I want to hope, fly free, not look back

Loosen your grip.

Release me demon, untie these chains

I am my own

Open my mind, there is a real world

A new found reality.

The monster in my head

My mind has been infested

I don’t know how, I don’t know when

A darkness or demon from within

Reminding me of memories, diminishing all hope


The lost land of the hopeless

No words can express the feeling

Embodied, but without real presence

I exist yet I am not living


A stray, blank and lifeless body

I need to interact, but how?

How can I lift the sides of my mouth?

To utter a word, create a smile or look around


These tasks require energy

Energy the monster will take

Leaving me without expression

I am facing the impossible and I am pathetic


I can feel myself struggling

Lost and along, doomed for failure

I can see my own self destruction

Yet I can’t snap out of it, because it’s not really me


I am a mere observer

Watching the monster drain my life

Manipulating my self-portrait

Unable to stop the on-going and damaging effects


The monster makes me selfish

Stops me reaching out to others

As this beast clouds all of my thinking

And I am lost in a world of hopeless worthlessness


Not every day is hopeless

I can get up and go out

Yet the darkness lurks in the background

Ready to attack at any moment of weakness


Ready to leach negatives

Thoughts of being a bad person

A failure, worthless, selfish and fat

As I lose the real me and re-enter the monsters shell


The good days are increasing

My friends help me to feel myself

Remind me of who I want to be

But such positive expressions can lead to days of exhaustion


I am still finding myself

Who knows how long the road will be

But I will fight, and find ‘me’ again

And yes, the monster will be tamed

Jazz McCutcheon

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