Do you ever feel trapped? Like the world and people around you are slowly closing in; questioning you, pressuring you, asking too much of you and all the while it just becomes noise to your numbness. The feeling of being a separate body from the world in which others live in, their world where emotions of happiness and joy with the energy to leap and smile and dance comes naturally versus a world where you have no other concept or ability other than to sit and smile weakly or artificially, having consistently tired eyes and a broken mind making you wish that each daily activity would be over with as quick as possible so you can return to hiding.
Being trapped physically within a space and life where things are not comfortable, your interactions with others seem to have no purpose or meaning and each glance or look from another person brings fear, judgement and confusion about how to ‘fit in’. Being trapped emotionally with no outlet, the pressure from friends to engage in “fun” activities is something incomprehensible in your state of mind so you feel fear, anger and rage that they are not listening, not listening that you cannot physically or emotionally bring yourself to engage and go out. Everything is annoying, aggravating, unbearable. But you cannot scream and shout, cannot throw things across the room, hit out or use your voice because you are trapped, silenced, restricted by your mind and confidence.
You are trapped in a lost, faulty world where living has been frozen and you cannot escape, there is no reset button, no control-alt-delete to resolve the problem or restart, just a seemingly never ending battle as you drift further and further from reality, and further from being in touch with those around you. Nobody hears you, a lost ability to say no, to say why you don’t want to join in because a lifeless entity can do no more than sit and exist.