Poem: What is the point?

What is the fucking point

When ev’rything feels unfamiliar yet always the same

Endless roads, colourless and mundane

Slipping backwards into an illness of pure persistence

Colourless black and white existence.

 

I want to punch through walls and tear off my repulsive skin

When does happiness and life begin?

I just want to scream, please, I just need to shout

Please please let me escape, let me out.

 

I feel so trapped and so out of touch with those around me

So unhappy, lost, far from carefree

Can’t they see the darkening clouds? The rain about to pour?

We have to run, hide from the mind war.

 

Why do they want to be out there, it’s not pleasant or safe

People surround me, there is no space

I want to push them away, be left to fester and rot

Alone in my hidden quiet spot.

 

Anger is swirling, torrential rage that never erupts

A hurricane of thoughts go unstopped

I can notice laughter, kindness, little moments of joy

But not in myself.

 

I am rude, ugly, disrespectful, fat, selfish, unkind

I want people to move out my way

I do not want to be like this, I just want to be free.

Please tell me, what is the fucking point?

 

A poem by me.

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